Marriage is not a fairy tale, however you can live Happily Ever After.

Television, movies, books, pop culture and the American dream all speak of settling down and getting married. Then comes the house and the kids and they all live happily ever after. Right? WRONG! I paraphrase Gary Thomas. When you take an imperfect spouse and they marry an imperfect spouse and they have imperfect children, you do not get a perfect marriage.

So where do we turn when our marriage is in the dumps...when our relationship is at the point that you want to throw in the towel? The world goes to divorce court. Christians are supposed to go to scripture. Far too often Christians are more like the world and just throw in the towel.

What does scripture have to say about marriage?

Gen 2:20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

So we see that God instituted marriage in the very beginning. It started with the very first man and woman.

But how does marriage work? We find that in Ephesians 5.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing ; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHERAND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

There is some pretty unpopular thoughts here. Especially in our american culture with women's lib and the fact that so many men have misused this portion of scripture to be a tyrannical jerk. Let's try and get through our own personal filters and take a look at what God has to say.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

This clearly places the wife under the husband. But how does it do it? In the same way that the church is under Christ. Therefore the woman is NOT a door mat. She is NOT a slave. She does however need to follow her husband's lead. Even when she does not agree or understand. I'm not saying that you need obey if your husband tells you to rob a bank. I am saying that if your husband is leading and his leadership is moral and legal you must follow him. Will he mess up. Yup. But that is when he needs his wife right there holding him up in prayer, thought and deed. You will answer to God for how you obey Him by the way you obey your husband.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing ; but that she would be holy and blameless.

How are we to love our wive's? As Christ loved the church. How did he do that? He gave himself up for her. He had every right and all the power, yet he willingly surrendered it for the benefit of the church, so the church (His bride) would be presented in glory with no spot or wrinkle. THAT is our standard guys. How are you measuring up? What would your wife say if you were to ask this question of her? When out with they guys how do you present your wife? Is she blameless and perfect or do the guys all know every offense she's committed of late?

28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.

We all eat. We get enough rest. Sometimes we even go to the gym. We shower and brush our hair. These are daily events. What kind of daily maintenance do you do on your marriage? If you go two or three day without a shower or deodorant you will stink. When marriage goes two or three days without active maintenance it stinks. Each spouse will become offensive to the other.

Again I want to point out to you that the standard is Christ. One of us may be better at this marriage thing than the other, but we're not to look around to see how we're doing. We're to look at what Christ has done for the church and what he is doing for her everyday. Our wive's actions or inactions are irrelevant as well. We constantly sin yet Christ is still right there no matter what. Hebrews 5:13b for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL IEVER FORSAKE YOU,"

31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHERAND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

The two shall become one flesh. The illustration once given to me was tissue paper. Glue two pieces together and let it dry. Then try pulling them apart. You cannot do it without destroying both.

Keep your parents out of it. No running home to mama when things are not going well. Cling to one another.

The mystery Paul refers to is the church being the bride of Christ. Marriage is supposed to be a reflection of our relationship with Christ. Therefore divorce is not supposed to happen. Let's look a Jesus words in Mathew 19.

1 When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; 2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. 3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH '? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb ; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

"Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives ; but from the beginning it has not been this way. "

Divorce was NEVER part of the plan. Hardheaded humans demanded it and Moses a human leader permitted it. Jesus does give the "except for immorality" statement and I would never argue with Christ. I would however say that since marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ and will never abandon us for any sin we commit, I encourage any of you that are victims of an unfaithful spouse to consider reconciliation not separation and divorce.

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Again we are commanded to love our wives and wive's are commanded to respect their husbands. Is it easy? No. Does it get easier? Yes, but ONLY when you submit to God and walk in the Spirit.

This study was done for marriage as there is some maintenance that needs to be done. I hope one of you readers are blessed by it.